Lack of discipline...

Lack of discipline....the thought has wandering about my head since last night when I blogged.
You know I used to be very emphatic about regular church attendance. I felt very strongly that a church will not grow if the people are not there. I believed staunchly that the verse about forsaking not the assembling of yourselves together, meant you were to be in church when the doors were open. We planned on our vacations so we wouldnt miss church. Whether or not the verse means that you have to be in every revival service, every rally, concert, prayer meeting or not can be controversial, but I think the discipline of making yourself go was good. And granted, I always usually came out feeling better.
When I had to leave the church I went to for years that I dearly loved, we went to a very conservative church where the preacher preached on everything imaginable-or should I say against everything imaginable!! Then they had this evangelist come for a revival service--and I was there every night until after the last Friday night. He screamed redfaced, wiped extreme sweat, and generously spit over us--and yes, he preached against things worse than our pastor did. Church members went up to the altar seeking for a second work, then were back a few nights later, not even sure if they were saved in the end. That night they had my dear husband in tears not even sure anymore if he was saved--in mass confusion. The next time I seen our pastor, I told him I would not come back to that revival as God is NOT the author of confusion.(Which by the way he took very graciously like the good and gentle man that he was.) Not long after, we left the church, and have wandered about aimlessly since, not knowing where we belong.
Since this experience, I began to study my Bible more feeling that not everything preached over that pulpit is annointed, albeit there is some fine men preaching some of this nonsense. I began to question things I had heard all my life--whether it was Biblical. Frankly, although I will keep to most things I have been taught all my life because I feel it makes sense, I found alot of stuff that I took for granted was black and white, is NOT Biblical. Although I probably pray more, and have studied my Bible more than I did in the past, I still feel I lost something---discipline. When you feel like you belong nowhere, you dont feel very accountable. I am not one of those people that you can count on to be there every service. Thus, I lost an area of discipline.
I could go on and on in this vein telling of areas where I have lost the d word in my life, but I just want to say, it is so easy when you let on area go, to let more target areas in your life also go by the wayside. The more "freedom" you feel, the more you let up on. It is so easy to give up on more and more things, and how easy it could be at some points to just give up serving God, and lose your soul. This is something I never want to do.

In the warfare that is raging

For the truth and for the right,

When the conflict, fierce, is raging

With the powers of the night,God needs people brave and true:

May He then depend on you?